Listen breeders: THINK before you DINK
For those that are fortunate enough to have not been called a D.I.N.K., the term stands for, “Dual Income No Kids” and is often used to describe couples who are both working professionals, who live what others may consider an “extravagant lifestyle” - aka YUPPIES without kids. But what if you don’t want to be childless?
LISTEN BREEDERS…THINK BEFORE YOU DINK!
I’ve compiled a (short) list of reasons as to why DINKING someone is deeply offensive:
1. It’s not okay to be defined by the fact that we cannot have children. After dealing with infertility over the years, it’s so fascinating to me how other people view my husband and myself. We are constantly singled out or separated from events and conversations because we are different from them (the breeders) and they can’t understand (or aren’t intelligent enough to make sense of it).
2. Just because you can’t afford our life, doesn’t make it a bad one. DINK alludes to a lifestyle that someone- typically breeders on very fixed incomes- view as “wasteful”, extravagant and reckless. Since moving to the suburbs I’ve never felt more like our lifestyle choices are viewed under a microscope- a cheap microscope- but nevertheless. Yes, we like to travel. Yes, we like to go out to eat. Yes, we like to go to a vineyard on a Saturday afternoon. Yes, we buy full-sized candy bars for Halloween for the kids on our street (I didn’t this year after all of the snide comments we heard last year. I only bought them for the kids I’m familiar with- it’s what my neighbors did growing up and I always thought it was nice). The thing is, we don’t live an extravagant lifestyle, even though we may appear to be to others. we have worked aggressively to save a small fortune to even attempt to have a baby, and when we are traveling to Paris or Spain or Iceland it’s mainly to get our minds off the fact that we can’t have children (we do also love to travel). I do think the offenders often come from a place of jealousy, a lot of the SAHM’s in my neighborhood would literally pick (maybe even STEAL) a penny up off of the street to help with their finances. I think that’s totally fine, and I certainly don’t criticize them for not being able to afford for their children to play travel sports or go the movies, because of their choices. I think everyone has the right to define their own lives and the decisions that they make.
SIDE NOTE: Apparently, the antithesis to DINK is SITCOM (single income, two/three children, oppressive mortgage) and I’ve never even thought to use that in a sentence (besides this one . . .).
3. We aren’t strange, just because we’re different from you. DINK implies that we are strange- we aren’t strange because we can’t have children. I am a little strange outside of this conversation, but not strange because of it!
4. Stop hating on our success. DINK undermines all of the efforts we have put in to becoming successful. I have a doctorate and work my ass off in a relatively high stress technical sales job. Yes- spending the majority of my 20’s focused on education and advancing my professional life certainly put children on hold and led to getting married at 32 and IVF at 34, but why undermine the success we have been able to achieve in the meantime? Since when is it a bad thing to be successful? It’s also why when we do (finally) have kids they will play travel sports, go to private school (if that’s what’s best for them) and live the life we’ve dreamed of giving our children and worked so hard to be able to give. Everyone has their own vision of what they want to provide and how they're going to provide it.
5. We have purpose. DINK implies that childless adults don’t have purpose, and I’m here to remind you all that people without children, do in fact, have a purpose in life. Our purpose is just as valid and worthwhile as anyone else’s with our without children.
Remember BB’s, we aren’t defined by the fact that we cannot have children. We have worth, we are strong, we are hopeful and we will one day look back at the (TERRIBLE) time when we couldn’t have children and value all that we learned in life- about ourselves and others- and be proud.